It’s been ages since we last had stew and dumplings. This evening, Sue put that sad omission right.
I was very impressed with the unusually delicious dumplings and was proudly advised that these were Thyme Dumplings. On further enquiry, I discovered that they were made according to the directions on the side of the Atora suet box, but that “I just chucked some thyme in”.
Very Nigella, I thought.
Sue’s mum, who came round for her tea and her twice weekly fix of “Last of the Summer Wine” on G.O.L.D via Virgin TV didn’t eat her dumpling, so it was donated in my direction. Sometimes I feel like a human dustbin, but I’m not proud.
Actually, that’s not true, I am proud that I am still firmly aboard the wagon and I’m really not bothered about the lack of sweets, chocolate biscuits or cake. In fact, I’ve started thinking about what else I could give up.
On second thoughts, I don’t want to end up like Bill’s donkey.
You must have heard about Bill’s donkey. He bought it a few months ago from Tony, who said at the time, “Bill, this donkey is eating me out of house and home. I can’t afford to keep him any more.” So Bill said, “Tony, don’t worry, I’m a donkey trainer and I’ll give you £100 for him.”
Tony thought for a moment and the deal was sealed.
Yesterday the two met again. Tony said, “How’s that donkey doing?”. Bill replied, “He’s dead”.
“How come?”, asked Tony.
“You remember that you said he was eating you out of house and home?”, replied Bill.
“Yeah”, said Tony.
“Well I decided to cure him of that. I cut down his food by a little bit every day and it worked really well.”
“So what happened?, asked Tony.
“I don’t know”, replied Bill, “I’d just got him used to living on nothing at all and three days later he died.”